i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
