I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
