After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
