I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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