I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
