He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
