im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
