I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My breath smells like gin and sadness
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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