I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
