did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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