He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
