We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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