She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
