ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
