This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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