You're so nebulous sometimes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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