Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
