You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
