Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
