The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
