Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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