If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
