I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
