apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
