last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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