yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
