That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
