dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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