Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
