I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
