and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
