a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
