you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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