I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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