new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There are leaves in my underwear?
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