fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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