that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
