I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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