burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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