You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
