we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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