I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
