Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
