Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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