I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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