Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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