I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
