he thought i was a dude.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
