Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
