She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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