so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
