just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just threw up on my dentist
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
