so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sext me about skeletons
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