Your mouth is God's brothel.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Come on in and take your pants off
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