just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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