I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
