I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
