youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
